The Gunn Goes Off

Here's how it went down on "Project Runway" last week:

The designers were divided into two teams of six. Michael C, who inexplicably won the week previous, got to pick first. (And if I'm not mistaken, April, who lost, got to start the other team). Then each designer got to pick the next one until only little Peach was left. PTSD. And lo and behold, what have we here but teams evenly divided between the Underdogs and the Egos!

The challenge? Create a collection of 6 pieces which sport "on trend" looks for fall 2010. (MAB and I know all about that because at lunch time we look at Bazaar and Elle* so we can plan our shopping trips accordingly). The Gunn presents them with a board of two columns, one of looks and the other of fabrics. The Underdogs select "military" and "lace", the Egos go with "menswear" and "cashmere" (which they interpret as all things luxe).

The Underdogs waffle as they sketch, no one feeling compelled to step in and say something stirring like, "Come on, kids! My dad has a barn...let's put on a show!" Over on the Ego side, however, Saint Gretchen quickly steps in to lead, although she attempts to make it look like she's being collaborative. The Underdogs operate out of tentativeness and a little fear, the Egos are quite convinced, what with being God's gift to the design world and all, that they are going to create the most amazing clothes ever. Oh, and they are going with a different strategy than the Underdogs; the Egos are playing to all their strengths, so the drapers with drape and like that, everyone theoretically working on a little bit of each design. True collaboration. And aren't they just self-congratulatory about how well they are working together.

Well, with one exception. The only reason Michael C is on their team is because he got to pick first. But not a single one of them has the least respect for him and they are merciless in letting him know it. They make denigrating comments, Gretchen is constantly fussing over his work and inserting her critique and they are downright mean both to his face and behind his back. Ivy, it turns out, is a stone cold bitch. Hate her. Now, I don't think Michael C necessarily has the chops to make it to Bryant Park but seriously, the way they were treating him was reminiscent of the Tea Baggers and the President.

Over on the Underdog side a nice steaming dose of drama was introduced by Casanova, who cannot stand to hear "the bad words" from The Gunn and sure enough, when Tim tells heem that his look is the mother of the other looks, he spirals into a diva moment that makes my palms itch. His team mates spend entirely too much time trying to talk him in off the ledge but it is his model (moved both by Michael C and an intense interest in self-preservation) who says to heem za words that are of tha angeel and he snaps out of it and bangs out a pair of pants to freaking die for. So there's that.

The show is on. The Underdogs trot out great piece after great piece. I fell asleep during the snooze that was the show of the Egos. Seriously. What wasn't downright bad was boring as hell. The Underdogs are immediately declared the winners and the Egos are, to a person, crestfallen, distraught, numb with disbelief.

Then the fun starts. Before they must defend their work the Egos confab. Gretchen broaches the subject of "giving them a name", which is doused by all the other designers. They will, they decide, stand as one and are all Hands Across America and weepy when they finally do face the judges. The judges drill them, "Who was the weak link?" At first everyone is polite and supportive, trotting out the "we worked together" line. Under pressure though, Gretchen snaps. She goes from being "incredibly proud" of their efforts to calling it a "crappy collection". She back pedals so fast that she ends up in Chicago. And then she throws Michael C under the bus. Except, as Heidi reminds her, he has immunity. Then Ivy throws Michael C under the bus. Except, as Heidi reminds her, he has immunity. And it goes like that until Heidi is forced to tell them that MICHAEL C HAS IMMUNITY. AJ is the only one who cops to any personal failing (primarily because he made an indefensible shirt dress and it was pretty much all he did). OH, and just for fun, the only thing the judges liked much at all was a blouse by Michael C. HA!

The judges so have the number of all the Egos and Nina does a good Gretchen impersonation.

On the winning team, Diva Casanova is declared the winner (and he is remarkably modest about it). On the losing side, Michael C, who, btw, has immunity, is safe and in the green room tells the Underdogs, ever so tearfully, how mean the Egos were to him. To our delight, Gretchen is one of the bottom two, for having made most of the decisions which, the judges noted, were bad. AJ is there for the ill fitting shirtdress. And despite hoping against hope that Gretchen will go, it is AJ, the only one with a smitch of integrity, who is auf'ed.

The look that Michael C gave Gretchen when she came into the green room had pure death in it. But the best was yet to come. The Gunn came into the room for his obligatory, "Clean up your work space" speech but what we got instead was the best moment ever in the history of "Project Runway". Tim came in, impeccable and stern and said, with powerful disappointment and barely controlled anger, using all the inflection of a father who just caught his daughter and her boyfriend in the backseat of the Cadillac: "Sit down for a minute, AJ. I have a few words for Team Luxe. I fundamentally do not understand your behavior and demeanor and affect on the runway. I don't get it. I don't know why you allowed Gretchen to manipulate, control and bully you. I don't understand it. And AJ, you've taken the bullet and now I have to send you up to the workroom to clean up your space."

That moment, and the look on Gretchen's face in response, are why mommy needs a DVR. Could have watched it again and again.

* Oddly, we never find ourselves in possession of Marie Claire. Hmmmm.

Untitled (Because Everyone is Going to Say "Hats Off")

Little Louie the fashion pup was soooooo excited to go to the Club Room to watch "PR". Even though he picked incorrectly last week, he is a very fashion forward pup dog and he cares. The Neighbor did a kick just like the one Casanova does in the opening.

Last week we were left hanging as to Ivy's fate. Valerie and St. Gretchen theorize that she had been living on coffee and cigarettes and pontificate that she needs to take better care of herself. All this while Valerie appears to stuff her face with circus peanuts. (The puffy orange candy, not the protein source).

Ivy is released from the hospital. She was dehydrated. She feels stupid.

Heidi is wearing a top almost exactly like the one MAB has on!

The models come out, adorned with "amazing" hats designed by Philip Treacy. Their challenge is to design a dress inspired by one of the hats. Heidi makes an "old hat" joke. The designers get to choose the hat that inspires them but they all stick with their models. 15 minutes to sketch/$150 @ Mood.

Mondo thinks fabrics have voices and he can hear all of them. Of course.

Casanova whimpers to whoever will listen that he thinks he's going to quit because he cannot take anymore "bad words" from the judges. The other designers rightly judge that he is merely being a diva but apparently one or two things have seeped into his oddly shaped brain; to whit; he understands that he must show the judges that he has taste. Or as he put it, "Cho his chaste".

Kristin is struggling mightily because her hat is the only one that is literal. It's an orchid. She simply does not know what to do that will complement the hat while still displaying her design talent. We see so much of her dithering that we are convinced that she will be the one to go home. Or win.

We see Ivy eating. We see all the designers eating. See? The producers take care of the designers. Ivy fainting wasn't their fault. Please don't sue them.

Kristin begins to rhapsodize about flowers being "walking sex" and makes many "va-jay-jay" jokes with the gays. She gets all worked up and starts missin' her husband and suddenly has the inspiration for her design. Her dress will reflect the notions of love and romance.

Meanwhile, Michael C, who can be very snarky but also weeps ever so easily, is missing his kid (it's Father's Day) and he's just too sad to work properly. Which is reflected in his dress, which Ivy or someone calls a "hot mess" and which even he knows sucks. Badly.

The Gunn's Walkaround

Valerie is working to mix "soft and hard" in a very nice pink dress with a bodice that I just love. She is enamoured of a purple bedazzled zipper applied to the back for fun and The Gunn shares his philosophy that if you aren't going to use it then you don't need it. But she likes her zipper to nowhere so she's going to keep it.

April is make short shorts that look like a diaper. We don't know why. No one else understands it either.

Michael D knows that his look could easily dip into a sci fi costume but he's willing to take the risk and The Gunn tells him to boldly go where no one has gone before. No, he doesn't. But he does tell Michael "you want to walk the precipice!" There is art in the sense of danger. I guess.

St. Gretchen thinks Kristin's work - overall, not just this time - is "sloppy and lacks thoughtfulness". She is clearly preparing her resume to be a guest judge next season. And then to take Nina's place. And then to rule the world!!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha.

Peach is making a dress that is rather short. But not so short as to "show the good china". (MAB is so stealing that line). Tim cautions Mondo that he's got "a lot of look" but Mondo calmly replies, "It's what I do". Christopher is using what we consider to be a gorgeous fabric to make a beautiful top or dress or something....that part we can't quite figure out. And leggings are going to be involved. And he has a notion to use buttons as a design element. Which The Gunn poo poos as unnecessary.

To Casanova he asks, "Haven't we all seen this dress before? Donna Karan, 1988". Casanova stares at him blankly. Crickets chirp. Casanova continues gap mouthed. Finally The Gunn shrugs and says, "I don't know what else to say...finish it superbly!"

Michael C. knows his dress needs to be changed up but it is so bad The Gunn cannot offer suggestions for redemption, telling him he just has to start over. Before leaving the workroom The Gunn intones "Some of you have important decisions to make and I hope you will make them".

Michael D is snarky about Michael C and St. Gretchen decides April will be going home soon due to her overly costume-y taste. Michael C. talks to his kid about fish and then he is suddenly inspired and sings the praises of Tim's guidance while he makes a new dress that prompts Kristin to opine that his taste level is "questionable".

Day of the Runway
Mooch notes that April wears wild stockings every week. Michael C sings a little song about going home. Casanova gives himself a facial. St. Gretchen's makeup makes MAB and I share a wordless "WTF?" look with each other. Mondo wants his model to have a mustache since she's modeling "menswear". It could be kinda brilliant.

Casanova comments on Michael C's finished product, speaking the only sensible words I believe he will ever say: "Every girl in Puerto Rico has that dress in her closet".

Hey Guys - The Runway

Heidi is wearing a Philip Treacy hat. He is the guest judge with the regulars.

We are impressed with a number of pieces, although we sometimes quite like a dress (e.g. Peach) without seeing how it relates to the hat. Many bits leave us feeling ambivalent and some work is truly quite awful. Kristin's dress is just a mess of bits, April's diapers are ridiculous and Casanova is, once again horrible.

But that's just us. He was safe. As was, oh, looky at that face! St. Gretchen is merely safe and she no likey. This is delightful.

Michael D, whose hat made him think of architecture, warriors and farmers, is told by Mr. Treacy that he did a "great job". He loves how the shapes of his clothes complement the hat. Heidi thinks the skirt is very cool. Kors loves the detailing and shapes and Nina loves the back and how well the ensemble works with the hat.

Kristin shares her "romance" theme and Kors says, "Orchids are a beautiful, sexy flower" but he sees "no correlation" to that notion in her dress. Nina finds it too "matchy matchy" and "literal". Treacy likes that she emulated the stripes in the orchid but felt the dress should have been "more fragile".

Remember how much we liked Christopher's top/dress? Well, Heidi thinks it is "too dark, too sad". Nina finds it "stiff and overly designed" so that one cannot appreciate the lightness of the hat. Treacy looks at him with wet puppy dog eyes and softly says, "Simplicity can be beautiful". As in "This is not simple and it is not beautiful".

We cannot wait for what the judges think of Michael C's dress. Why? Why do we do this to ourselves? Kors declared "This is what harmony looks like! She is a goddess of the sea without looking like a costume". Say wha? Surely it's just Kors. But no. Nina agrees that the colors are perfect and she loves that he used a nude shoe. Heidi finds it beautiful with the hat and "beautifully done". Mr. Treacy calls it an "exceptional job".

The room tilts. I feel lightheaded.

April talks about her "futuristic resort" inspiration and Kors tells her that she picked the right category for her theme but that the pieces were a fail. He is repulsed by the "triple pantie" and when he has the model turn around and he sees a saggy bottom he moans, "Oh. No." Nina "doesn't mind" the top, finding it actually rather beautiful but in the end the concept was "sold short....literally". Treacy, who is obviously a very gentle soul who spends great amounts of time communing with nature and other higher powers when not concocting his ethereal and transcendent hats cannot bring himself to be harsh. So he softly says the look is "a little bit weak".

Valerie's dress is very, very pretty and Heidi declares it "one of my favorites". She admires the craftsmanship. Kors responds well to the "Stevie Nicks" hemline because it is "not expected" with the more severe (but beautiful) bodice and sculptured bolero. Nina winks that it is "mischievous" and "coquettish". Treacy, however, doesn't actually understand where Valerie is coming from in relation to his hat. Hmmmm.

After the runway we are all quite sure that Kristin will be out. Mooch, The Neighbor and Little Louie pick Michael D for the win and MAB and I go with Michael C. Not, mind you, because we think it is the best design but because the response of the judges was so completely other than what we thought that we are forced to rethink our thoughts.

And looky there! Michael C does win. And he cries. There are any number of shocked faces in the green room when he emerges triumphant. The other designers can barely bring themselves to congratulate him as they are all in a shocked state that is best summed up by Ivy as "WTF??????" But Michael C is euphoric and tearful and so lost in his joy that he fails to notice that no one else thinks he even deserved to be in the top 3, let alone win.

And despite the horror of April's triple pantie, Kristin is auf'ed for a dress that was "disappointing and unflattering". But you know what? She's actually relieved. She misses the real world and her husband and is ready to go home. She knows this isn't the end of the line designwise so she graciously bids the other designers adieu, hugs and kisses Tim and lumbers off into the sunset.

So there you go. Today MAB and I are going to make Philip Treacy inspired hats out of office supplies. Maybe there will be pictures later.

********

It's later....

Untitled (Because Everyone is Going to Use "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To")

Bathed in a beatific glow, Gretchen opens this week's show with a soliloquy on how much support the other designers are giving her and how happy they are for her back-to-back wins and how she is quite sure she'll win again, what with being anointed and all. This is balanced by footage of the other designers saying, mostly, "Whoa, has her attitude changed".

The designers meet with Tim for this week's "unconventional materials" challenge. No, we're not going to be looting grocery stores or tearing apart new cars. The designer have $100 and 30 minutes to ransack a party supply store. Tim does caution them that "the judges don't respond well to materials that resemble fabrics".

St. Gretchen is not pleased: she won't go for anything "cheeseball...because nothing I design is cheeseball". She will "remain true" to her aesthetic.

Casanova is drawn to plushies and, ignoring Tim's advice, gets table covers.

Peach has "a complete plan", AJ & Mondo confab as they are trending in the same birthday direction. Casanova gleeflully eviscerates stuffed animals, or as he calls them, "The plawsh pawppies". April is happy because these unconventional challenges "open you up to sole creativity". Mondo's hands have stopped shaking.

For reasons I don't quite understand, everyone deems this challenge right up AJ's alley, a point he affirms a million times. But he doesn't want to do anything "messy".

St. Gretchen opines that "Valerie is good; she will be in the top three with me". But lest we read that as any sort of humility, she adds that she is "a force to be reckoned with". I'd like to show her some force.

Casanova sniffs at the other designers because he's not into "the crazy stuff" they like. Yeah. He's all couture and that.

Gretchen flits from designer to designer offering her sage advice. Gretchen, STFU.

Tim's Walk Around
He greets AJ with effusive words that "this is your sensibility" (Michael snarks about glue guns). But in looking at AJ's work Tim says he's "a bit concerned" about how "the disparate parts" are to be put together.

Valerie is working on a brilliant black and white dress of napkins, with a splash of color for a belt. Tim is "not understanding the intervention of the teal" and urges her away from it. They make references to the Ascot scene in "My Fair Lady". (FYI, in case you weren't raised on musicals like mommy, in that brilliant piece of movie costuming everyone was wearing black and white).

Kristin is working with pet toys, specifically an item called "animal wooly balls". The ensuing ball jokes render The Gunn red and apoplectic with hysterical laughter.

Christopher is concerned about his skirt but The Gunn thinks it's "fabulous", giving Christopher the courage to go on. Meanwhile, The Gunn tells a dithering Peach that she has "a piece of coal in your rear end. Make a diamond!" Michael is waiting for a slam but gets a "sensational", The Gunn also loves Sarah's palate and finds that what she is doing is "upbeat" and looks as if "something Schiaparelli is happening". Sarah loves that assessment but it turns out that she's not really inspired by what she's doing and rather than trusting her instincts she is trying to force a rubber palm tree too literally into her design.

Tim graciously congratulates Gretchen on her second win while the other designers exchange "looks". She natters about her aesthetic and The Gunn urges, "Gretchen, do it! Listen to your own voice!" (To which Moochie queries, "Yes, but which voice?" )

Casanova admits to doubts about the judges reaction to his table covers and The Gunn says, "Did you not listen to me?", then adds that he didn't say they couldn't use fabric-like materials and that if he creates his design "fabulously" the judges can come around.

While Sarah is in the depths of her struggle to get excited about her own design guess who is at her side offering opinions?

The models come in, bearing gift bags that contain this week's twist. The designers must craft an accessory from the random contents of the bags.

Gretchen is going on again about how she'll be in the top three and the other designers are all rolling their eyes and being all "oh, no".

Mondo is a freak. He has a fake mustache. He is also wearing something that is reminiscent of a Catholic school girl uniform. This oddity finds Moochie just a little turned on and he spends the rest of the evening rocking himself in a corner of the Club Room.

MAB and I have decided that "Piperlime Accessory Wall" does not trip easily off the tongue and we would like a different, more dulcet name, please.

Andy is behind because he is meticulously crafting every inch of his garment so Peach and April offer to help him. While he sings the praises of their generous hearts St. Gretchen sniffs that this is inappropriate because he clearly has a "time management issue". I should note that she now has her hair up and her makeup is severe and she looks like an officious biatch. Mooch asks, "When did she become a judge?"

Hey Guys: The Judging

Kors and Nina are joined by the very freaky but you-can't-help-but-love-her-weirdness Betsy Johnson.

But first, our reactions:

Christopher: "Sooooo pretty!!!!!"

Michael: "Horrible, too stiff, too Jetsons". Mooch thinks it looks like a lamp shade.

Andy: "Wow! Just wow!"

AJ: "That's a mess". (MAB thinks Johnson will love it). It's too short.

Ivy: Pretty dress but MAB thinks it makes the model look fat.

Michael C: "That's couture!" (Gorgeous red gown)

Peach: "Cute" .

Gretchen: Dammit. It's good. Mooch loves it. I hate the skirt.

Mondo: meh

Casanova: "Whoa! Too much going on there". "It is pretty dramatic, though".

Kristin: Kinda sorta.

April: What Peter Pan would wear to a red carpet event. (Some of us like it).

Sarah: Oh. So horrible. "She's out".

Valerie: Loving. It.

The judges weigh in:

Kors declares that Valerie has done a 360 in styling declaring it looks like a "modern girl". (And Gretchen nods her head in agreement). Nina calls it "fun yet sophisticated, graphic, lovely" and Betsy is very excited that if you spill dim sum while wearing it you can clean up easily. No, seriously, she read the napkins as a functional statement. Freak.

Heidi tells AJ his dress is "silly", Nina says there is nothing wrong with camp but this is just a "hot mess", to which AJ replies "Thank you". "That's not a compliment", says Kors. Kors doesn't like how it is cut, or rather, not cut to the model's body and finds what he calls "the crotch fringe" repulsive. BJ, on the other hand, only wishes that it had been taken farther.

Andy's look is "exciting" to Kors, who adores how he transformed the material. He can see Rhianna and Heidi fighting over that dress. "I saw it first," says Heidi. Nina says it is "remarkable" and BJ applauds the execution and then says she "misses the fun, it's too beautiful".

Casanova gets a classic Korsism: "She looks like a transvestite flamenco dancer at a funeral". BJ loves that it looks like one dress in the front and another in the back but Heidi says there were "too many things going on and they went wrong".

Nina dismissively tells Sarah her dress "seems very simple". Kors says it doesn't look like a fully composed idea. BJ says "its a mish mosh" and "it's not funny...I guess that's sad".

Gretchen receives a "fabulous" from Nina, although she's not fond of the length of the skirt. Kors can see that she used herself as a template. BJ says it's "'Dreamgirls' on the bottom and 'Mad Max' on the top" but neither she nor Heidi like the boots with which she's accessorized the outfit.
In the green room AJ and Gretchen mix it up a little and she's very snotty and I hate her now.

MAB and little Louis the tea cup poodle pick Valerie to win. The Neighb and I like Andy's chances and Mooch votes for Gretchen. We all think Casanova is gonna go, except MAB, who picks Sarah.

Andy wins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah and praise the little baby Jesus in his golden diaper! Gretchen looks like she swallowed a very bitter pill.

While Casanova has been in the bottom three "for a reason", it is Sarah who is auf'd, pretty much just for being "sad and boring and not following her instincts".

All the little designers are very sad to see her go. So are we.

And all that pre-show hype about someone being taken away in an ambulance? Ivy passed out and that's all we know. Stoopid producers.

Who Can Turn the World on With Her Smile?

The Posse convened again in the Club Room and caught the last few minutes of last week's show, prompting MAB to declare that her new strategy is to vote for the ugliest garment to win.

The designers go to the roof of Atlas to meet Tim, Heidi and Joanna Coles, editor of "Marie Claire" magazine. Please note, we have been to the roof but we have not had champagne. Joanna challenges the group to create a design that will typify in one look the essence of the "Marie Claire" reader. In case you don't know who that is she is someone who is smart, sexy, confident, educated, turns water to wine and never has a bad hair day. A photograph of the winning garment will make it onto a 40 ft. billboard positioned in Times Square. It will be photographed by some big name who isn't Annie Leibowitz.

The designers have 30 minutes to sketch, 30 minutes and $150 dollars to spend at Mood and must have the garment completed by midnight.

I hate Jason's hat.

Peach isn't happy with her fabric choices, even though she loves polka dots. So do I. Please note:
MAB got them, too:

Valerie looks like a Pink Lady in "Grease". AJ refuses to help Casanova pattern. It's every man for himself, baby.

Tim Gunn's Walk Around

TG "responds positively" to Valerie's look and urges her to "keep it clean".

Mondo isn't sketching but is doing a tutu skirt with a halter. Tim accords him "blind trust".

Tim says Jason is using "gorgeous colors" but when Jason tries to describe his concept, which is based on the number 8 for "infinity and the 8th season of PR" Tim is perplexed and says, "I'm concerned about you." Jason later whines that he is a "straight man in a gay man's world". Wha wha. He can still get married anytime he wants.

Grethchen has a singsongy voice. That's gotta get annoying.

Casanova, having given us pure vulgarity last week, is opting for a matronly design this week. Tim says he is "baffled". Meanwhile, the other designers have noticed that Casanova seems to speak perfect English when he is with them and then gets all ESL with Tim and the judges. The designers aren't buying it.

Nicholas is ripping off Gretchen, making a back that is very similar to what she did last week. He has a jacket-y cape about which Tim feels "ambivalent".

Michael's design is dismissed with a scathing "it's Blanche Devereaux". Thank you for being a friend. Not.

Peach's look is deemed "discordant" and since she agrees she starts all over.

There is another element to the challenge. Of course. The designers looks are going to be photographed and they must choose one picture to show at the runway. This photo will be given weight in the overall judging.

Gretchen tells us that Casanova could be very annoying if he "wasn't so charming". This proves The Neighbor's assertion that she is friends with ganja. Generally speaking there is a lot of love between the designers but Mondo is lonely and his art is a curse and he cries and it's sad. MAB thinks he's bipolar, a diagnosis that has some merit given how damn perky he is the next morning.

The designers have 2 hours the next morning to get ready for the photo shoot. Tim urges them to give it lots of "attitude" and to be editorial. And don't forget to be thoughtful about choices from the Piperlime Accessory Wall.

It would appear that the show has been expanded to 90 minutes in order to give us more time in the hair and make up rooms. And more time for the inane conversation that takes place in the green room. This is not an efficient use of our time.

Michael tells Jason that he loves his freaking 8 dress. But he only says this, he confesses to us, because he's afraid Jason will come up behind him with a pair of scissors. (Insert "Psycho" theme here).

Jason has pinned his garment - again. When the photographer points out the problem with this when the garment is rendered huge on a billboard, Jason opines that "the judges need to get over" such minor quibbles. Right. Because sewing isn't a huge part of fashion design. Silly judges.

Hey Guys: The Runway

Heidi points out that there will be 15 left standing - "or less". Oh, Heidi. You tease.

Kors & Nina are joined by Joanna.

Nicholas has created a skirt that is alright but otherwise we give him a "no". We love Chris' top so MAB goes for the hate.

Jason is clearly clueless, AJ himself declares that his design "looks like larvae", Peach's dress is boring and Michael gets a Nina look for his too short dress.

We love Valerie's red dress, so MAB hates it but she likes Casanova's matronly ick fest for real. Gretchen has made an ensemble for a chick mechanic and we are basically split on everyone else.

Peach's polka dots are polka nots: "ladies who lunch", "Amish cocktail party". Nina doesn't like the styling (she is way too into accessories this season) and Joanna doesn't like the "animal" climbing down the back (some weird brown accent that was supposed to give the garment a twist but looks creepy).

Valerie, on the other hand, is declared "innovative and sophisticated". Nina finds it "sexy but conservative", Kors says it has "simplicity and interest" and says red was a smart choice. Joanna thinks it is great.

Jason says his design is "edgy and youthful" but the judges disagree. Nina doesn't know how interesting it would be on a billboard, Kors deems it a "walk of shame dress" and Joanna can't believe he selected the photo he did.

Gretchen nailed it, though. Heidi says the model looks "like a cool girl", Kors finds it "modern from head to toe", Joanna likes its "effortless ease" and Nina totally gets a "Marie Claire" reader out of the look.

We don't want to make him cry but Nicholas is raked over the coals. Nina says there are too many details for a billboard, Joanna calls it "utterly unsexy" and Heidi thinks that without the cape the back is strange.

Crazy Mondo gets a spirit boost with enthusiastic responses like "really cool" and "great spirit". Joanna tosses her beret into the air at his Mary Tyler Moore inspiration because MTM is apparently the reason she wanted to move to the United States.

We have a new judge in the posse, MAB's teacup poodle, Louie. We each picked a winner then called to him. The lap into which he jumped represented his vote. He picked Mondo. So did all of us. Except The Neighbor, who went with Valerie. What? You think it's weird to let a poodle vote? Makes as much sense as any method employed by the judges. As to the loser, however, we were unequivocal in our selection. Bowler Hat must go.

However, our picks were only merely safe as Doobie Sister Gretchen wins again. But Jason, with his lack of skills and bag o' excuses is auf. He's an ass. He didn't even stick around for The Gunn to give him a "bon chance". But that's ok. Good riddance. And Tim still got to be paternal and loving to Nicholas, who was also auf'ed. He is crying veryvery hard and MAB hopes there is someone who can check on him later, lest he fling himself from a 40 ft billboard in Times Square.

It was, in Tim's words, "a rough runway".

Project Runway Returns and I Procratinate

Good golly, says you. We've been tapping this link for days, anticipating your recap of the premiere episode of Season 8 (8!) of "Project Runway". Where have you been??????

Sorry. Been a little preoccupied with personal matters and, well, if the truth be told, I really hate recapping the first episode of a season because I don't know who anyone is and I can't keep them straight and I already find myself anticipating the elimination of the first dozen of them so we can get down to the real business of snarkifying and betting.

So, YAY! Season 8. Thankfully (and despite rumors to the contrary) we are still in NYC. The Project Runway Posse (Moochie, MAB, Nurse Jacquie, The Neighbor and Moi) gathered in the Club Room of MAB's superfantastic chic downtown apartment building to watch on the big screen. And right before it began we all sang "Happy Birthday" to Tim Gunn, complete with harmonies. Which is more than my dad - who shares The Gunn's birthday - got. That's what Daddy gets for not hanging out with Heidi Klum.

Speaking of Heidi, as the show begins Moochie notes that she is NOT with child.

Now, as you know, the first episode is always devoted to a whole lot of introductions and after 8 seasons the producers decided to try something new which, provided "something new" doesn't involve LA or leaving Nina and Kors off the judges panel, they are more than welcome to do. But I wasn't really smitten with the changes. First Heidi & Tim engage in some non-informational banter about their impressions of the new challengers and then the designers give brief bios of themselves as little knots of them meet up in train stations and on the street. The sketches and stories all ran together and I don't even remember half of them.

The strongest impressions - for good or ill -were:

Casanova from Puerto Rico who seems like a cliche from an SNL sketch and looks like the dude who played "Hell Boy". MAB won't look at him for fear of turning to stone.

Sarah looks like the love child of Annie Lennox & Pink. We like her sketches. A lot.

Peach, the self-described "old lady" designer, has a fun personality and we like her but given that we are all her age or older, she needs to lay off the "old lady" crap.

McKell has dreads, tats and is from, of all places, Utah. She also has a 9 month old baby who isn't with her, of course, but back home. Poor little abandoned baby.

Kristin allows mistakes to become part of her design and gives us the season's first catch phrase: "embrace the crooked zipper".

Mondo aptly describes himself as "a little strange". He looks like the offspring of Clint Howard and the Beav.

Nicholas is Clinton Kelly's weirder, gayer twin.

Gretchen is this season's token boho hippie chick. "She sews with hemp," observes The Neighbor.

Michael already thinks he's a big deal so we don't like him.

And we'll leave it there for now.

There are still too many designers for the competition so the first challenge is going to be the final phase of the audition. Heidi instructs the designers to pull one item from their suitcase to use as inspiration. Everyone very carefully selects a garment and then Heidi, who loves the twist, tells them to pass the item to the designer on their left. OUCH! Casanova - argh! don't look straight at him! - has a kitten since he selected $1,000 Dolce & Gabana trousers. Shoulda brought some Dockers, Casanova.

The designers have 5 mere hours to create and because time is at a premium, Mood comes to them. Thank you, Mood.

There is token bitching about the quality and type of garments each has been given, Peach has no blood in her head and they get to work.

The Gunn's Walk Around

McKell is feeling "frazzled" but Tim thinks what she's doing is adorable. So do we.

Nicholas has started out with a polyester jacket and Tim tells him his work is "provocative" and "potentially very good".

When asked, Casanova tells Tim he is "good" but he's not convincing, which probably owes to the very ugly mess on his mannequin. Tim queries, "Is it sexy or is it vulgar?" (The correct answer is "vulgar").

April has turned a tuxedo jacket inside out and The Gunn scowls at her lack of vision or finished product.

Gretchen, in contract, discourses eloquently on her "process" and the "essence" of the piece. Tim appreciates her thoughtfulness and says he's "completely with her".

Peach is freaking over the very tenuous nature of the red wispy stuff she has inherited, which unravels when you look at it. Tim makes some artful suggestions.

Mondo is constructing something from grandma's sofa cover and Tim tells him it needs to be "more youthful".

It's time for dressing our pre-selected models and thoughtfully using the Piperlime Accessory Wall. Jason is distracted by his model's boobs. Because she has them. Peach dithers about her model's hair while Casanova forcefully describes the hair style he wants. To the make up guy. Kristin forgets her model in the hair room and has only time to instruct make-up to give her "bold, red lips".

Hi Guys: The Judging

Nina and Kors are joined by the cutely squishy faced Selma Blair.

Considering that the designers only had 5 hours, which is an absolutely ridiculous amount of time, there are quite a few looks that we find ever so pleasing, including those by Peach, McKell, Andy, & Kristin. But there is a whole lotta "eeewww" and "ho hum" from our Posse as well. We particularly do not enjoy Sarah & Michael. Gretchen has made a plain black dress with floppy sparkly caplet sleeves to which MAB responds, "It's bad". It is not, however, as bad as the mess Jason has sent down, which looks exactly like the gown I don at Gene Juarez when I get my hair did, only the gowns at Gene Juarez aren't stapled together and falling apart at the seams like that mess.

Casanova sends down one of the worst things we've ever seen. "No," Nurse Jacquie firmly says, "It is THE worst thing we've ever seen". It's so bad that the camera lingers on Nina making a classic "oh, no you didn't" face.

The designers all line up and Heidi declares that there is a unanimous winner. Gretchen! Say what? We look at each other in astonishment and MAB buries her head in her little tiny hands and moans, "Gonna be another season where I just. don't. get. it". The Neighbor consoles her by opining that Gretchen must have gotten the judges high first.

While we pick up the pieces of our shattered expectations, Heidi declares that none of the remnants should feel safe and MAB notes that they are all looking at Casanova and thinking, "Oh, no. I'm safe".

Highlights of the judging:

Ivy had to defend turning toile capri pants into, uh, pants. Heidi said Jason's "creation" looked like "my hair dressing cape" (what did I say?) and told April that she wasn't sure the shredded look of her garment was "intentional" then added the dreaded "it's a hot mess". Kors said he likes deconstruction, as long as one knows the designer can also construct. Nina just dismissed the whole thing as something to be worn by "an '80's street walker".

Nina liked the mix of fabrics McKell used but dissed the styling, including the pink bag the model was carrying which, btw, was just exactly like bags that MAB and I have (different colors but exactly the same bag) which ellicit compliments EVERY time we carry them so "pft" to you, Nina.

Nicholas nearly cries.

Kors had a plethora of Korisms to describe Casanova's disaster, chief of them being "She looks like a pole dancer in Dubai". Nina called it "fascinatingly bad" (think road kill....it's horrible but you can't help looking). Selma "loved and loathed" the look. Which is a big "uh oh" because their grudging horror is pretty much a guarantee that Casanova is going to survive this round so he can be horrible yet again. And MAB still has to avert her eyes.

Sure enough, he survives, as does everyone but poor little tattooed, dreaded up McKell. Which we think is just appalling under the circumstances because she at least created something that a human being on Planet Earth would actually wear. And The Gunn agreed, telling her that he stood by his earlier statement that the dress was adorable. It's only fault, apparently, was that it didn't fit the model well. Which is still no excuse for some of the piss poor work that survived and may I also add that while we all understand the penchant for reality TV producers to find the "personalities" that will keep people returning week after week, if the best they've got this season are the likes of Mondo and Casanova, well, that will just be sad. Almost makes me miss freaking Santino.

First off, I neglected to blog the finale of "Project Runway". Seth Aaron, deservedly, won. Emilio, who demonstrated his snarky, I'm-better-that-everyone self-absorption lost. And was a real baby about it. When you see his uninspired sportswear in Target walk on over to the Jessica Simpson department.

Speaking of Jessica Simpson, she "designed" the new roll-y suitcase I bought for my trips. It's really cool. I didn't know it was Jessica Simpson until after I'd bought it. So I'm ok with it. Plus, it's commodious.

I leave for DC tomorrow morning and I have 412 things to do today. Including dying my hair, which I'll have to do at work. (Which will be fine because I dyed MAB's hair at work the other day. Priorities). And I have to get a mani and a pedi and buy some insoles for my black flats and I need to pack. It's really too bad I have to work today. Good news on that front, I'm this close to finishing up the things I need to finish up before being away from the office for a week. And that includes having finally written an outline for the presentation I'm giving on Tuesday. Now I just need to design a useful and alluring hand-out. (I totally decided against a Powerpoint presentation. So last decade).

86 that about the hair. I'm doing it now.

I will be able to blog, I expect, from DC but the photologue may have to wait. But there will be lots of pictures. Me on Lincoln's lap, me in Julia's kitchen, me with blog buddies, like that. I can't wait.

Everyone be good while I'm gone. Do your homework and eat an apple every day.

Love.

On the Road Again

With $9,000 and 4 months, our designers return home to create their collections for Bryant Park. But, as Heidi reminds us, Mila and Jay are still competing for the Top 3. They will each be showing the PR judges 3 looks that will make or break them. The Gunn joins her on the runway to tell the designers how "extraordinarily exceptionally proud" he is of them. Then he and Heidi do a little hip bump. And Emilio is smug.

(Every time he comes on now in that little interview-y thing I just clap my little hands over my little pink ears and sing "la lalalalalala" because otherwise bile rises in my throat and I want to smash things).

ROAD TRIP!
The Gunn's first stop is to visit Seth Aaron in the really not so fabulous town of Vancouver, Washington. But The Neighbor and I think it is cool that there is a finalist from the NW who isn't from Portland or Seattle.

Now, Seth Aaron has been very clear that he does not merely wish to win. He wants to "stomp" the competition. To that end, he is employing not only his considerable design skills but sheer volume. Dude has made something like 412 looks by the time Tim shows up at his door. But alas and alack, Tim is of the mind that there are no surprises in the collection and that to win Seth Aaron must "reach". While Seth Aaron tries not to cry The Gunn says, "Reconceptualize the whole thing and find another level of you". He also assures Seth Aaron that he wouldn't push him like this if he didn't think he was capable of more. (That is exactly what the guidance counselor said to The Child in a meeting this morning!)

Heartwarming family moments: playing Pictionary with the Seth Aaron brood and the delighted exclamation "Papa Gunn is on the tramp!" (A trampoline, not a loose woman. Honestly. Get your mind out the gutter). SA was pleased that Tim played with his kids.

Next we're off to the South Bronx to hook up with Emilio. Tim meets Emilio's brothers, who say they are proud of him; pride apparently being genetic with this family. Then we get the rough-childhood-growing-up-poor-in-the-South-Bronx tale which would be more compelling if we cared.

Emilio's BP collection is full of color and he is, uh, proud of that.

Tim reminds him that how the PR judges experience the show is what will determine who wins. He gives Emilio some other advice...since that is his job. Like telling him that the collection looks "old" (as in matronly) and that there is a lack of sophistication. (We agree, and not just because we hate Emilio). But you know what Emilio does? 'Course you do. He snarks to the camera: "I'm designing for women and as far as I know Tim Gunn doesn't wear women's clothing". He goes on to say that since it isn't going to have Tim Gunn's name on the label he feels completely at ease dismissing any of his input. What a giant __________(insert word/words Mommy doesn't use on her blog here).

Heartwarming family moments: none.

Mila, who owns, The Neighbor notes, a color blocked dog, is veryvery happy to see Tim. Her collection is largely black and white with spots of color "but it's you" notes The Gunn. Unfortunately, he also finds the overall looks to be "conservative and matronly" (to which Mila responds to camera "Dude, what??"). TG effused, "Look how chic and fabulous you are....these clothes need to exude that!" While she is somewhat confused by this assessment she assures us that she has no intention of losing to "that little [bleeped out] Jay" so she's gonna dig deep.

Heartwarming family moments: chatting with supportive parents (who note she has always been creative and always worn black) and her supportive boyfriend who we are pretty sure is gay.

As Tim arrives at Jay's door we realize that 3 of the 4 designers are from the West Coast and we think that is very cool.

Jay says he likes to "combine soft and hard" (that's what she said) and Tim tells him with no hesitation that he thinks Jay is getting gimick-y and uses the dreaded phrase "student work". But Jay isn't worried about Mila. He's quite sure he can beat her so he's really focusing on beating Seth Aaron and Emilio. Tim grants him this but suggests that his collection is a little "koo koo". "Koo Koo Chanel," retorts Jay.

Heartwarming family moments: Tim being fed to death by Filipinos and lots of bawling about how much Jay wants this.

Back to New York
The producers, predictable and mean, stick Jay and Mila in the same apartment. At first you could cut the tension with many, many very sharp knives. And some lasers. But Jay and Mila end up having a moment and sort out a thing or two and by the time Tim gathers everyone for champang-ya, they don't hate each other any more. (Someone slip some of whatever they were taking into Mitch McConnell's well, wouldja?)

Next morning the designers arrive in the much larger and more fantastic pre-runway-show workroom but Mila and Jay have to share their workspace. "Good thing we're talking now," says Mila. "Right?" says Jay.

While Seth Aaron and Emilio get to putter with their collections, Mila and Jay have 3 hours to fit their models and get them to hair and makeup. Mila sees how much more color Jay is using and starts to panic. She decides to make sure there is plenty of color in the models' makeup. And there I was, thinking what a fine opportunity this would be to use the Bluefly accessory wall thoughtfully.

Jay cries again. So does Mila.

The Runway
Heidi has, of course, popped her Seal Pup and is all svelte again.

Mila shows first. Here's what we say: "Love that effing coat!" "Love! (stripped jacket is a little buzzy on TV but there it is). "Like!" Then Jay shows. Here's what we say: "Again with the ruffle booboo thing at the hip!" "Star Trek". "Star Trek: the Next Generation".

Mila's inspiration was "the shadow". Heidi says the looks are "different but cohesive", Nina is not surprised by the black and white but notes "it's a narrow palette". Mila assures her there is plenty of color in the entire collection (and if that's so she probably should have pulled in one of those ensembles, don'tcha think?) They all rave about her accessories but are concerned that the overall look might be too retro.

Jay is praised by Heidi for "pumping up the volume" and Kors loves all the details, like the gaitors, which we actually don't enjoy much at all but whatever. Nina admires the "excellent tailoring" but doesn't see any "stand outs". "Edit down," she warns. Heidi, shockingly, likes the purple dress with the hip widening ruffle booboo thing but isn't sure it fits with the rest of the collection. (And it doesn't because if you wore it, you would actually wear it on earth).

Kors admires that the looks aren't the least bit retro.

As we go into the final decision, Heidi is going with Mila, Kors with Jay and Nina is "on the fence". We are so being played. I vote for Mila, The Neighb for Jay (although in a move that may look like we are covering our arses, we both think there's a possibility that they will both show).

Heidi tells Mila that her collection is "impeccable and distinct" but could be "one note and too retro". Jay's looks are described as "intriguing and fashion forward" but criticized for being "over designed".

So the question for the judges is who do they want to see more of and as I cross my fingers and pray "notJaynotJaynotJay" Heidi announces "Mila, you're in!" YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jay is numb and shocked. Someone (Emilio?) says, "Don't cry, puppy". Or maybe that was The Neighbor. Anyway, that's exactly the sort of look I hope to see on Emilio's face next week when either Seth Aaron or Mila win. Meanwhile, Tim told Jay that his is "extraordinarily" proud of him and that he has nothing to regret. And I would note, he also has Anthony.

Next week: the Finale!

Down to the (High) Wire

It's been a while, chickens, so let's recap what would have been recapped had I been recapping: Anthony was out, then Maya left on her own, so Anthony came back and then Anthony won. And so did Emilio. (Emilio designed a dress for Heidi and guest judge Jessica Alba wants to wear Anthony's gown). Oh, and Jonathan with his TinTin hair is out.

There are 5 designers left and this is the final challenge. Tonight we will know who is showing at Fashion Week. Heidi is sending the designers to a tent "and not a Bryant Park tent". As this can only mean one thing, MAB and I react badly. She hates circuses because of what they do to the animals and I'm a'feared of clowns.

Sure enough, they go to the Ringling Brothers circus for a private show. Ringmaster Tim Gunn tells them they are to make a runway look inspired by the circus, but cautions, "Not a costume....think fashion". Then they get a private circus show. Tim tells them they will have 30 minutes to sketch and 2 days to work. ("Two days means 2 looks," says MAB).

A lot of black and white stripped fabric is purchased at Mood. That seems weird.

Tim's Walkaround

"I'm here to walk around and engage with you," says The Gunn. He's delightful.

Seth Aaron says he was inspired by the ringmaster and jugglers. He describes his vision and ends with a gleeful "I'm makin' a top hat!" Tim scrunches his face and asks, "How do you see styling this for the runway?" "No costume," he warns.

Emilio says he's making a "basically black and white look". Says The Gunn, "You went to the circus...where's the color?" Then Emilio proceeds to argue with The Gunn. We hate that. ("Is he lisping more as each week goes by?" asks MAB).

Anthony is feeling left out because he's the only designers working with color. Tim tells him that is great but in the face of Anthony's uncertainty The Gunn tells him, "Let your viscera rule...if you feel like you're forcing things then they are probably contrivances and it's not right". Anthony says he needs a dictionary. MAB wants one, too.

The sketch for Mila's design was lovely but she is struggling a bit. Tim rejects one fabric decision and guides her in a better direction. She is grateful.

Jay is doing exaggerated pants (uh oh, here we go again with the whole making-women-wider-in-places-where-they-don't-need-width thing). MAB notes that the jacket he's making looks like something Michael Jackson would wear.

Anthony says he is a prisoner in his own mind. That would be a scary place to be.

It's day 2 and we know there's going to be a second look. The Neighbor says, in a dead on Tim Gunn voice, "You must construct the same garment exactly 1/10th the size".

But, it turns out, we were wrong. There are no surprises.

Anthony says that words can not express what his dress means to him. Looks like he needs a dictionary AND a thesaurus.

The other designers call the MJ thing on Jay's jacket, which he then modifies. Seth Aaron is nervous for the first time in the competition and Emilio, well, Emilio continues to be full of himself and his "whimsy and sexiness" and declares that he wants the judges to say his dress is the best design of the season. Puke.

The Runway
Judges are Kors (MAB chimes in unison with him when he says, "Hi guys"), Nina and Cynthia Rawley (who is wearing a really dreadful shiny pink eeewww of a dress).

All three of us are in despair over the runway show:

Jay's look is awful, even with the barely toned down MJ jacket.
Mila's is an OMG and not in a good way....looks like a witch costume.
Anthony's dress is boring. The Neighbor says she likes it but MAB says it looks cheap.
Emilio's gown has too much going on in it and Seth Aaron has created a walking caution sign.

But once again, there's a reason we aren't sitting in the judges chairs.

Heidi likes Seth Aaron's look and Nina likes the "sense of drama and fantasy" although she does find it a tad costume-y. Cynthia thinks it is "interesting" and while Kors says the pants have "crazy crotch" he deems the jacket "strong".

Nina tells Anthony that from the waist down his gown is "a snooze". Cynthia lectures him about "knowing your fabric" (which is kinda rich given what she's wearing) and Kors actually goes up and feels the fabric and recoils with an "eeewww...it's polyester". Then he disses the whole thing with a "it looks like a big, blue condom".

Heidi asks Jay to remove the jacket from his ensemble and says that the top and pants are "nice pieces". Nina is more enthusiastic, calling the pants "fantastic".

Nina says she is "not crazy" about Mila's look and Cynthia suggests that the collar could have been toned down and perhaps something on the gown could have been not shiny.

Then it is Emilio's turn and I struggle to keep down my dinner. "Stunning", "genius", "favorite garment of the season", "appealing". Oh my giddy aunt.

Because it is the last challenge, each designer must say why he or she deserves to go to Fashion Week AND who they think should go with them. Seth Aaron picks Emilio and Jay, Jay picks Seth Aaron and then gets all emotional and says the other person he really wants to "share the experience with" is Anthony. Oh, reeeeallly? Mila picks Seth Aaron and Emilio, Emilio picks Seth Aaron and Mila and then Anthony choses Emilio and uses the tearful "share the experience" line relative to Jay. Lovers!

MAB picks Emilio and Seth Aaron, hesitates and says that her gut tells her to pick Jay. The Neighb and I are both in agreement about Emilio and SA and we also pick Mila for the third.

The judges tell Emilio that his look was the unanimous favorite and he's going to the Park. He says he is humbled and then treats us to a deluge of reasons why he rocks. I think he needs to borrow Anthony's dictionary.

Seth Aaron is praised for having "tailoring that is consistently fantastic" so he too is goin' to the Park. Then he and Emilio wrestle with joy.

Anthony is told that he has grown as a designer but still needs to mature. He'sauf.

Mila is praised for having pushed herself throughout the competitions but told that she fell short on this challenge and Jay is poo pooed for having played it safe. The dum dum music starts and then, lo and behold, they are both in. It's a design off between the two people who hate each other! They will both be designing a collection but only one will show at Fashion Week.

Backstage Tim tells Anthony he can't feel sorry for him: "cover of Maria Claire, Jessica Alba..." He had some definite high points throughout (plus, he found Jay). With a little joke about having "done this before" he sends Anthony to the work room. The previews for next week show lots of Tim critiquing looks and the stricken faces of designers. Except for Emilio. Who argues with Tim.

It Takes Two, Baby

As we begin tonight's episode, Amy feels lost and Mila similarly needs to find herself again. Maya is frustrated that she hasn't yet won a challenge. I feel that.

Heidi tells the designers that she wishes to put them in "A New York state of mind". Designing a concert look for Billy Joel? No, they meet with Tim (and makeup guy, Collier, who we will now promptly ignore) who tells them that the "City is the point of departure for your designs". They will be sent to 4 distinct NY neighborhoods and challenged to create looks inspired by the spirit, people and architecture of those 'hoods. Emilio, the snarky New Yorker, tells us he wants to win one for "his people" but when Tim reveals that they will be working in teams he prays to the little baby Jesus that he won't be paired with Mila. (What? Mila herself told us a few weeks ago that everyone loves her). Team captains are picked then the teams are formed. Anthony chooses Maya, Amy picks Jonathan. Emilio, very happily, selects Seth Aaron which leaves Jay no choice but to be paired with Mila. (They both say "Oh, s!*t"). No love lost there. They will have 30 minutes to explore and sketch.

Emilio and Seth Aaron go to Harlem, a neighborhood full of ""churches, soul food and chicken joints". It is also full of denim and the boys know that will be a signature for them. In Chinatown, Anthony and Maya are impressed by the structure, all the red and gold and the liveliness of the narrow streets. Anthony is freaked out by the ducks hanging in a restaurant window. (He later tells us, "We don't do that in Georgia,").

On the Upper East side, Amy and Jonathan note the "high end, luxury" feel of the place and remark that it is grey and static, with "almost no movement". Wrought iron designs inspire the evening look. Jay and Mila go to the East Village, which is "rock 'n roll" and "gritty". They are inspired by graffiti and the industrial feel. They both try to be professionals, given their deep and abiding loathing of each other, and Mila is frustrated that she can't read Jay's vision.

After a trip to Mood Tim tells them "The creme de la creme is here - make no assumptions that the team leader will go home".

Anthony grows tense about Maya's strength of character and commitment to her artistic vision. Emilio worries about controlling Seth Aaron, who rarely sketches and seems all over the map. Jay and Mila intently focus on not focusing on their mutual hatred and Jay is afraid that both he and Amy are so detail oriented and ambitious that they will fail to finish.

Tim's Walk Around
He likes what Emilio and Seth Aaron are doing but suggests to Maya and Anthony that one of their colors is weak and should be discarded. (They listen). Jay is working on a pant that has a jodphurs feel to it and Tim suggests they will have "Heidi and Nina saying, 'What woman wants more fullness there?'". Jay insists it won't be that bad. Mila is working on a dress and jacket. Tim asks if they've determined the neckline and silhouette of same and she says, with a cold look toward Jay, "We're still debating that". Tim sternly says, "Someone is going home".

"Don't look at me!" says Jay.
"I'm not looking at any of you," says Tim.
"That was abrupt," says The Neighbor.

Tim also cautions Jonathan and Amy about being at risk of "overdesigning"....a point they are all too concerned about themselves.

There are fittings, Emilio is getting entirely too much pleasure out of the Jay/Mila drama and we suddenly want them to win just to piss him off. Jonathan surveys the amount of work he and Amy have to do and declares their team "f*$#ed". (Jonathan, we note, is a drama queen. Every challenge ends up being called "the most horrendous experience of my life").

Tim returns before the runway to urge the designers to "style those looks so they are each "wow" moments and has to call Jonathan and Amy more than once to get them to put down their needles and come along.

Filling in for Kors this week is Francisco Costa from Calvin Klein. He joins Nina and guest judge, Molly Sims.

The Runway

Anthony's day look is very cute and Maya's gown has an amazing origami-like detail but we think it should have had more red.

Jay's tank top is, in his own words, "problematic" and the pants are just awful. Mila's evening look is very severe and, in our view, unattractive.

Amy made a pretty, flowing top in an unfortunate color and Jonathan's evening gown has some beautiful cutout work but hangs a little heavily at the skirt.

Emilio & Seth Aaron present a very cute denim day look, very Flygirl, and a zippered gown which does not evoke, to me anyway, the Cotton Club vibe that inspired it. Plus it is entirely too stiff.

The Judging

Heidi is in love with both Emilio and Seth Aaron's pieces. Francisco says that he first questioned the gown, thinking it could be sexier. Nina said Emilio was very smart to use prints and vivid accessories to lighten the looks but thinks the looks could have benefitted from a little less detail detail (read, zippers). Molly, on the other hand, loves the zippers.

Nina remarks that Anthony and Maya clearly had a really great collaboration. She likes the subtlety of their looks, how they clearly reference Chinatown without being too literal although she wishes there'd been "more color" in the detail of Maya's gown. Francisco adds that the looks are "very urban and well made".

Heidi asks Jonathan and Amy how they liked working together and Jonathan coos that he "loved working with Amy". That's the good news. Neither Nina or Molly found the day look to be "polished". Heidi flat out called it "an eyesore". Francisco notes that the evening look is "more successful" but Nina thinks that the side panels make it look "too heavy and cheap".

As for Jay and Mila, Nina loves the "fantastic styling" of the night-time look but is "very disappointed" with the day look. Heidi says, "Her boobs are floating around in there" and Nina sniffs that the pants "weren't successful". Molly says the "tank tanked" but Francisco likes the 'synergy". (Which must mean he likes boobs floating around in there). When given the opportunity to throw each other under the bus, Jay notes only that they "worked professionally" together. Very politic. But then, since they like Mila's look and not his, he pretty much had to do that.

Both The Neighbor and I, sadly, pick Amy to be out. I pick Maya for the win and The Neighbor thinks it will be Seth Aaron. But no, it is Emilio for the win. Oh. Wait. And Seth Aaron, too! Another PR first! The judges appreciated the maturity of the designs and how well the designers worked together. And little Amy is "auf" for a look that was "from cut to color a bad retro idea". Amy was accused of "getting lost in the concept without executing it well".

Backstage, as Jonathan weeps, Tim holds Amy by the shoulders, looks right into her little pierced face and "you are an incredibly talented designer".

And she is. She tells us that she wants to stay true to herself and not be afraid to try something. She took risks. Unfortunately, she took too many in too many consecutive episodes.

Pft

PR Recap:

Jonathan won, Ben was aufed. Yeah, I don't really care today.


Last month we poured $1000 into my stoopid car in hopes of keeping it running for another year. It's going back to the mechanic tomorrow. I am extremely annoyed.

I need a serious attitude adjustment right now.

Maybe a bagel would help.

Hammer and Tongs

With only 10 designers left in the pool, it's time for the but-that's-not-fabric! challenge. Heidi scoots the designers off to meet Tim and "America's favorite designer", which I find to be a completely subjective statement given that I'm quite sure she means Michael Kors and not, say, oh, just about anyone else. And sure enough, there are Tim and the Orange One in the latter's Soho store. Kors lectures the designers on the importance of creating head-to-toe looks and the power of a single dazzling accessory, then sends them off to find the materials to create same in a hardware store. Whoot!

I personally cannot get enough of hardware stores. I think they are just superfantastic, especially the little, old ones that still hang on in these days of big box stores. Some of the designers appear to share my enthusiasm and find all sorts of fun bits on which to spend their $150. Except, uh oh, Emilio, who has a notion to do something with washers and cord and can't begin to get enough material for the money he has. What will he do? (I mean, besides spend all his time snarking about the other designers?)

There are lots of heavy metals in play, except for Jay, who is going to make pants out of a trash bag. We've seen trash bag clothes before. That's a could-go-either-way choice. Emilio lays out all his little washers and ponders them.

The work room sounds more like a smithy than a design space with most of the designers banging away on their metal sheets and screens and gutters and awnings. Jonathan makes a brilliant joke about the periodic table. He's kinda brainy. Emilio rearranges his washers.
And also, he gets bitchy when some of the other designers kid him about his situation. "He has no sense of humor," says The Neighbor. And he also gets to bitch about the noise of all the hammers. It makes it very hard for him to innovate with six washers and 2 feet of cord.

During his Walk About Tim tells Mila that her mod inspired (and color blocked) look is "very exciting". Jesse describes his look as "Elizabethan". "An Elizabethan mini?" Tim asks incredulously. He adds, "It looks like a costume for a school play...and not even a high school play, more like elementary school". Ouch. Tim immediately assesses that Emilio is in the weeds due to a lack of material. "Your innovation can be the first PR presentation of the bottomless dress," he says.

Anthony confesses that he is not "officially impressed" with his design and Tim concurs that it looks "tortured". On the other hand, he declares Jay's pants "spectacular" and marvels that he made trash bags look like leather. Tim is "intrigued" by Maya's ensemble, particularly her massive necklace of keys, which he calls "stunning". "If you can pull this off it will be phenomenal!"

During the fitting, Jay's model cannot get into the pants so he has to re-engineer them. Meanwhile, Emilio has finally figured out that he can make a bathing suit out of washers. The bottoms won't stay up. Gravity is a bitch. And could someone please speak to Jonathan about his
Tin Tin hair? Dippity Do is so last century. As we approach the runway show, Anthony comments that many of the looks (including his own) look tortured. But Emilio now tries to suggest that his pathetic hardware bikini is a "full on" look - as if there were intention, design and planning involved. This strains credulity.

We have 2 guest judges: the fabulous Isabel Toledo (who designed Michelle Obama's fantastic Inauguration Day ensemble) and jewelry designer Stephen Webster.

The Runway
Mila's look is very 60's mod and cute. Jesse's outfit is a mesh marshmallow. (Say that 3 times fast). We like Jonathan's look and Anthony's is no more than OK but Ben's is stiff and quite hideous. Emilio calls his look "strong" but I think it would work best on the girl serving drinks at a craps table in Vegas. Jay's look is terrific, Seth Aaron is lucky he has immunity, Amy did fantastic things with sandpaper and we absolutely love Maya's look.

The Judging
Nina tells Mila that her use of paint tray liners is "extraordinary" and Stephen calls it "wicked brilliant".

Nina asks Emilio why his model has no clothing, Kors dismisses it as "really cheesy" and Heidi says it looks "thrown on". I snort with derision when Emilio actually tries to justify his mess by saying that he "knew everyone else was going to make a dress" and wanted to do something different. Bull.

Kors tells Anthony he's created a "bad prom dress" and Nina dismisses it as "too boring".
Maya, however, is praised by Kors for truly creating a "head to toe look", Nina applauds her restraint and Heidi marvels, saying "you wouldn't think it came from a hardware store".

Jesse is bashed by Nina for a look that "feels like the Tin Man". Kors likes the accessory hair band but says the dress looks like a Hershey Kiss and Heidi says it looks like "a dirty vacuum bag".

She is much kinder to Jay, calling his ensemble "amazing" and Kors gushes "in a million years I wouldn't think this was plastic trash bags".

I pick Maya for the win and believe with all my heart that Emilio should go. The Neighb picks Jay for the win and Jesse to be auf.

And so it went. Jay won for a being "truly amazing" and praised for taking a material that has been seen on PR many times before "but never like this".

Photo courtesy of Lifetime.com

And while Emilio is dismissed for something that was "pure Vegas show girl",

Montage created by the clever folks at Blogging Project Runway, from the original photo at Lifetime.com

it was Jesse who was aufed for a look that was "disappointing, uninspired and looked like a costume, not fashion". So off he goes, returning to his life as a Johnny Depp impersonator while whiny, bitchy, "no, really, I meant it to look that way" Emilio survives to snark another day.

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Heidi tells our designers that they will be working with new models this week and that while they are "inexperienced" they are an "attractive little group". And then out toddle 11 little pumpkins, none older than probably 8, who sweetly lisp the name of the designer with whom she has been paired. Meanwhile, the designers are alternately entranced or panicked. (Jesse says, "Oh crap!" and the stink of fear is so thick around Jonathan that smelling salts must be handed out to passersby).

The challenge is to create an age appropriate kid look (no slutty babies, please) that is fashion forward. Seth Aaron who, surprise surprise, has a daughter, is on top of this challenge like Seigfried on Roy. He knows kids, you see. He knows what they want, what they like and what they will wear. Houndstooth is involved. Amy, too, is particularly delighted with the challenge as she enjoys "mini clothes". Anthony, on the other hand, is befuddled as to how to make clothes for people lacking "bootie or breasts".

Emilio has decided that he's going to stand out from the pack this time by not being fashion forward and is making a pretty little dress just exactly, btw, like the pretty little dresses I saw hanging on a rack at Costco the other day. Ooh, looky! Jay is working with a combination of plum and navy fabrics! Yummy!

Jonathan has recovered enough from his fear of children to deliver a spot on impersonation of Michael Kors. (If the designing thing doesn't work out he and Santino could get together and take their PR schtick on the road).

Mila is color blocking. Again. Emilio (who really seems to believe that he is, in fact, all that and a bag o' chips) is snarky about that. The other designers, however, engage in playful banter with Mila about her signature. Because, as she informs us, she gets along with everyone.

This challenge is definitely breaking out along very clear lines. Most designers are embracing the challenge but the haters are clear.

Kid Hater Theater

Emilio: "If I get eliminated because of a kid..."

Jesse: "That's what I'm saying..."

Oh, hey, I forgot to mention; Portland has a husband that she misses veryvery much. She's really pretty. I bet her wedding photos are stunning.

As the day ends Tim arrives to announce a "nice surprise for you!" Is it money? Champagne? Dinner with Donna Karan? Of course not, silly. The designers are being given another day and $100 to make an adult companion look. And it is not, Tim stresses, to be a "maxi me from mini me". They must innovate from the child look.

Seth Aaron is so clear about his vision that he doesn't even bother to sketch anything.

After a trip to Mood and a contest to see how long Anth-annoy can keep his mouth shut (14:56), Tim comes in for a walk about.

He tells Jonathan he "loves what you've done here" but warns Portland that she is "really rocking Halloween here" and warns her to "be prepared for a response to that". Portland is mystified by this remark as she hates Halloween. But it is pretty orange over there.

Amy is composing pants out of many, many petals of fabric and Tim tells her it will either "stop the show or be clown clothes".

As for Seth Aaron, who has never wavered from his rock solid vision for this challenge, Tim is "really excited" and "profoundly wowed".

When our models come in for fittings there is a smidge of kid chaos (and Jonathan says the workroom is like "Romper Room on crack") but I must say, the children in question seem to be very nice little girls....not to diva-like or anything...just ordinary little kids who get to play dress up. (Which totally flashed me back to my one experience with the runway....a mother-daughter fashion show for the PTA. When I was in 7th grade. Remind me to tell you about it sometime).

The Runway
Tory Burch is the guest judge.

All of the designers manage to achieve distinctive kid and adult looks; nothing is matchy matchy. Some are cute. Some are boring (like Ben's...because Ben is a bore). Sometimes the adult look is better than the kid look and visa versa. But one thing is certain: Seth Aaron hit it out of the damn ball park. And we like Amy's fluttering mommy pants.

Top Three/Bottom Three

Jesse's kid dress is asymmetrical (and a little disconcerting in that, if you ask me-forced whimsy isn't whimsical) and Heidi says she would have preferred if he'd made it straight. But Tory likes that he used grey for a kid look and Nina found the whole thing "adorable" and adds that "the model mom looks pretty good".

Seth Aaron hears nothing but praise as both looks are equally wonderful. Kors calls them "super and strong" and Nina loves that he thought about every element, down to the little purse for the kid model to carry. (Apparently his daughter owns over 200 purses. And she's not a grownup. That's not judgement, btw. More like jealousy).

Jay is praised by Heidi for the obvious thought that went into his looks. Kors refers to them as "really chic" and Nina declares them "really striking, modern and urban". (And did I mention how much I personally adore the plum/navy combo?)

On the other side of the coin, we have Nina telling Portland that she doesn't like that everything is too plain. Heidi goes farther, declaring that the kid look is like a "cheap mall outfit" (although she is careful to use her best mommy voice and tell the little model that she, personally, is adorable). Kors dismisses the mom jacket as a a "home ec" project.

Heidi tells Jonathan that his kid outfit looks "uncomfortable" (which the little model confirms when asked..."it is sticking me a little") and Nina complains that it is all "too sophisticated, too conceptual". Kors likes it even less, claiming the models look like they were caught in a "tornado of toilet paper".

Poor Amy, who decided to go out on a limb finds said limb crashing to the ground. Kors says the kid look suggests the house was on fire and the little one just threw on whatever she could find. (The kid likes the outfit, especially the sweater...which is kinda ratty and kinda cool). And he calls the pants a "train wreck". Nina finds the looks "confusing and circus-like" and Heidi just calls it all "hideous". Now mind you, The Neighb, MAB and I all like the pants. We can only assume this is one of those "must be something in real life that we just can't see" deals.

When we take our own vote we are quite sure of the outcome. Seth Aaron will handily win and Amy will be spared because she is a good designer and one miscalculation will hardly be her undoing when Portland has so consistently been a big "meh".

And we were right. Seth Aaron is the winner for creating something "chic and polished" for the adult while perfectly meeting the initial challenge of something "age appropriate and fashion forward" for the kid.Photo courtesy of Lifetime Networks by way of Blogging Project Runway

And Portland's aufing includes the dreadful judgement: "you bored us". But after the auf Portland declared that she wasn't going to "stop just because Heidi Klum said she wouldn't wear any of my pieces". And you gotta admire Portland for that. Because the truth is, Heidi Klum gets it wrong easily 50% of the time. You want proof? How about that horrible toga she wore tonight? Eewww.